Sometimes I just need a breather

Ever come across times when you felt like you are struggling very hard to breathe and even catching a tiny gasp of air is like a million miles away, out of your reach?

If I had known that turning 23 will lead to all these, I rather time remains in the previous years. Things might be not that smooth-sailing then, but at least they are still somewhat manageable and within my tolerance level.

But now? It is like I am standing on top of a broken bridge and struggling. It's either I cross this bridge successfully, or I fall through the gaps of this broken bridge. I have no idea how to cross this bridge and unsure of what lies ahead of me on the other side of this bridge.

You have no idea what is going on. You have no idea what are the things I am going through. You have no idea that I am already starting to fake my smiles. But all you know is to rub it in into my deepest wounds. The wounds that I tried to conceal and hide from every single person. The wounds that made me cry secretly without anyone knowing. But now, after you added salt in, it is even more unbearable that even thinking about it had my tears flowing out.

Sometimes I wish I can just get out of things here and just go to somewhere else for a breather. I hate being so vulnerable and I am angry with myself for being so. So, if I flare up at you, I don't actually mean it. I am just angry at myself. I am sorry..